I’d like to forgive the previous post. At the time I was looking to be drunk because I hate my family. I really do. And now I am drunk. Watching the Wisconsin/ Kentucky game. Go Wisconsin!!!! The point is, I feel like with my ex-drinking dad and the most judgmental mother possible, that I needed a drink…or two….or four.
So thanks Alex,because, although you can not do a bartend pour you only charged me for two drinks. So thanks.
Why, yes I did leave you over a 100% tip. Its called motherfucking karma.
That awkward bartending moment when you (as a bartender) are watching the “bartender” measure out their liquor. Lol. Who taught you that? Bartending school? Sorry, if I offend but I find that pathetic. Love your face
I’ve been reading a lot of posts on buzzfeed and tumblr recently and I felt the need to talk about something that’s been weighing on me; rape and sexual assault. The point of this rant, for me, is to talk about the different type of abusers. I feel like we label them as one type… He’s the guy that has that maniacal laugh, the mustache that reaches to his eyebrows, and he’s always lurking in the shadows.
Did I mention, the rape van?
Yes, we all know “that” guy but, the point I’m making is that abusers come in all shapes and sizes and, well, I’ll just get into it then.
The first time was…I can’t even remember. It was from a family member and it still hurts. Especially, considering that I see this person at least once week. I was a child. It was a sick and twisted thing and here’s the kicker, he doesn’t know.
That motherfucker actually has no idea that what he did was wrong. He doesn’t understand that besides from the incest “ick” factor, that I was a child. That I was in a horrible position. That it was abuse.
I blocked it out for most of my childhood, but you never really forget and eventually it catches up to you. When I drank myself into oblivion the day I was supposed to catch a train because I was spending all of my spring break with him.
I missed the train, FYI.
Well, the first one.
For my dad’s 50th surprise party, I drank three quarters of a bottle of tequila just because I knew he’d be there. My parents didn’t understand even though they ask me once a year (at least) if this person abused me. They know. But, what’s not actually said is not actually acknowledged.
Thank God, right?
My point is every time I see this person he has no shame. He’s never had shame. He proudly caresses me in front of our family in a way that forces me to swallow my vomit and enough to make people think ‘wow, that guys a little too overly friendly, but whatever’. He’s old enough that it passes as just that ‘creepy older man, but harmless’. Why would anyone ever assume abuse?
The second person was with my boyfriend of a few months. He was a complete jackass but he made me laugh. He was abusive in many ways. His friends thought he was the “cool” guy, but all he ever did was put me down. I could go into it, but the main point is the one time he drank a little too much and held my wrists to the bed and raped me.
But, no worries, because I always had “fat legs” anyway.
Did I mention he was a nerd? An engineering student? He wore loafers and old man sweaters because he was a hipster. Should I also be documenting my clothes?
But why does that matter?
The third person was a friend of a friend. I had seen him around campus, he was part of the student government, a biology major. Before Christmas last year I had a party at my house and he came along for the ride along with six of my other closer friends. I drank a lot of tequila and the last thing I remember is telling him “no” when he tried to kiss me.
Then I blacked out.
Then I woke up naked and alone.
He said, it was a great time and we should “meet up and do it again sometime”.
Did I mention he ADMITTED to being sober when “we” did it?
Abusers aren’t so easily seen as black and white. I truly believe that none of these men who actually raped me think that it was rape. I believe that my family member thought it was a special love, that my ex-boyfriend thought it was fine because we’d slept together already, and that guy, maybe at that level of intoxication I was saying “yes”.
But children are not at fault.
Girlfriends are not blow-up dolls.
Intoxicated girls are not coherent.
And, finally, abusers come in all shapes and colors.
Thanks for listening to my rant. Feel free to message me if you have any questions or just want to share.
You know, I’m sitting at my watering hole and I’m drinking but, whatever, fuck it. I love the bartender she’s my bff and life is good. Can I hash tag Jamo scotch? Fuck it. I’m doing it anyway.
…I refuse to. If you wanna be with me whether, as a friend, a lover, or significant other, then make the effort. I do not chase. It’s one of the worst qualities I have, but it’s just my personality. I will reciprocate, but you have to make the effort, because once you start playing this bullshit dating crap of playing ‘hard-to-get’ I get bored and find someone new. Remember, I don’t need you. My life was great before we met and it’ll be great if you’re in it or not.
Just don’t be a dick is what I’m really getting at.
Love your face.